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[18 Apr 2011|12:02pm]
I'm pretty conflicted when i read threw this god aweful mess of a journal. On one hand i'm embarrassed of the complete fool i acted while under the use of Paxil, yet i appreciate the knowledge and wisdom i gathered from this completely FUCKED part of my life. I'm not at all proud of the things i said and did during this time, by no means. I harness a lot of regret from these chapters of my life, the hell i tried to put Joey threw. The reckless substance abuse was just irresponsible and stupid. I want to say we all go threw a dark phase in life but i'm not really sure we all go so hard and so deep into a really horrible hole that takes years to crawl out of. I feel like I wanted to hide behind a shield of "bitch" or "reckless" to keep people at bay. I took medications to suppress my emotions from getting in the way of completely destroying the people i loved the most. My family took a hard hit during this time, and to this day my father and i barely speak. My friends limits have been tested to the fullest extent, and my high school sweetheart [and very best friend] had to attach some very malicious and immature impressions to the memory of my name. For that Joey I am sorry, you didn't deserve such a chaotic and selfish break up from me, you were a great guy and I look back on us and smile i realize you can't do the same and I'm sorry for that as well.

This journal is a testimony to the degree a person can change. It'll stand to remind me that there is always room for improvement.
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[08 Nov 2007|10:36am]
Please tell me I'm not the only one,
that thinks we're taking ourselves too seriously,
Just a little too enamored with inflated self-purpose.
Talk is cheap.
And it doesn't mean much.
Don't lose touch.

not sure why you hate me now, but i guess if this is how things have to be for you to live happily then that's what's going to happen.
in all honesty i'll miss you, and i hope the very best for you.
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Everybody wants respect, just a little bit... [24 Oct 2007|11:50am]
Everybody wants to live, like
they wanna live and
Everybody wants to love, like
they wanna love and
Everybody wants to be
Closer to Free
9 comments|post comment

[01 Oct 2007|08:24pm]
So i live with my boyfriend now, which is lovely for the time being.
But shit sucks otherwise. :(
1 comment|post comment

[25 Aug 2007|07:49pm]
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[13 Aug 2007|11:51am]
jaypaul moves back in 2 days.
sooo excited!
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[04 Aug 2007|12:37pm]
sink joey sink (12:35:44 PM): wrong.
sink joey sink (12:35:46 PM): so shut up.

lol hahaha totaly diffrent person lol
has compleattly changed.

i've herd it all before but some things never change.
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[03 Aug 2007|12:55pm]
down today.
i think it's complicated.
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[27 Jul 2007|08:29pm]
i'm on higher doses of muh meds, more seritonin for me :)
i'm giddy as FUCK right now.
lol ya'll don't even know. i'm happy as ballz.
i guess ballz are happy?
i'm as happy as happy ballz.

that's my story and i'm sticking to it.
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[24 Jul 2007|11:55am]
Me: "Sam! you've been drinking that beer for an hour and it's still HALF FULL!"
Sam: "well, at least your optimistic."
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[23 Jul 2007|09:42pm]
I took Cutie for a ride in my Death Cab
she tipped me with a kiss, I dropped her off at the meth lab
before she left she made a Dashboard Confessional
and spilled her guts in Cursive but whats worse is
I could still see her Bright Eyes like Sunny Day Real Estate
oh my and in a funny way this irritates
so high but no chance
My little Chemical Romance left a bad taste in my mouth
but I imposed her like, "Hey Mercedes why the long face?
why you cryin? theres no need
just put on this Coheed and Fallout"
Boy meets girl Jimmy Eat World
but Schlep eats pills till hes all out
not once not twice she was Thrice times a lady
actin all Brand New, but I had to
bounce over to The Postal Service(s) to
pick up these pills that take care of my nervousness
and all the way I saw Planes that were Mistooken for Stars
she played games but she took em too far
At the Drive In
watching soft porn and you can tell
By the Trail of the Dead, that there was somethin in the popcorn
I hop in my cab destination Midtown
just to Get Up with some Kids that like to get down
I'd made my rounds and that was that
In between the frowns and scraps and heart attacks
and I remember I seen her ass in Early November
on a Thursday, Taking Back Sunday for a refund
she shot a wink like no hard feelings
then she Jetted to Brazil man them pills had me spun

yea, this is The Story of the Year right here
this is Hot Water Music
put ya Ramen into it

haha i heard this at work and laughed a bit.
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[23 Jul 2007|01:53pm]
Image Hosted by ImageShack.us
Shot at 2007-07-23

my other half.
she's so beautiful isn't she?
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[22 Jul 2007|12:56pm]
bad things happened yesterday.
i couldn't take my pill because they were with sam...

a. i lost controle of my hands.
b. it felt like a huge person was sitting on my chest.
c. i couldn't talk, and if i did it came out as slured sounds.
d. i puked everywhere.
e. i couldn't walk and jaypaul had to hold me up while i staggered into the bathroom.
f. huge. panic. attack.

it was shit.

now i'm just sad these pills are not doing me any good right now.
i'm sad for no reason.
i'll be talking to my doctor about that soon.
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[21 Jul 2007|08:03pm]
Let's make the best of the situation
Before I finally go insane.
Please don't say we'll never find a way
And tell me all my love's in vain.
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[20 Jul 2007|09:48am]
Spoken fast enough to spark a memory into everyone's tired mind!
Built upon a cross of clothes and thorns of wrinkled scarves,
And hung from a ceiling, and sent to every child's living room.
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[18 Jul 2007|09:33pm]
Francakes007 (9:25:58 PM): keeviinnnnnn
clockworkoioioi (9:26:12 PM): fran!!!!
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[18 Jul 2007|08:40pm]
Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

Can you put the bite back into the beast you've broken, tied and tamed?
Can you crease the wrinkles back into the cracked and open brain?

So doctor won't you pull the fucking plug?
Oh, won't you cut the cord?
'Cause you can't put the life back into this hospital ward.
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[18 Jul 2007|02:48pm]
Joey [as we knew him] is dead.
morn acordingly.
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[17 Jul 2007|10:25pm]
hahaha it's the final countdown.

i'm drunk. and i'm watching arested development.
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[12 Jul 2007|07:36pm]
So i've been in the hospital all week, totaly sucks. I had an iv and more shots than i can count i even had to get in one of those stupid gowns and lay in their bed all day. and i accidently broke my iv 2ce once trying to go to the bathroom (even though i wanted a cafider <however you spell that) and once trying to use the phone. the blood started running into the iv so i held it up and tryed to shake it back into my veins...unsuccesful. But yea now i'm on an assload of medications, one of wich is an upper so i have energy i can't burn...sucks. They think i have West Nial...i WOULD get West Nial. lol well untill sometime tomarrow i'm out.
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